Thoughts all a jumble
I spoke without thinking again
I sit up late at night
Alone
She's in the other room
Trying to be asleep
It's too easy to forget
Her wounds aren't healed
Most times
She puts on a good face
Things are okay
'Til I yank the bandaid again
The triggers are never quite the same
Often media inspired
Good thing we don't watch too much
Anymore
Should watch less
Too much else to do
The pendulum swings
February gloom brightens
Time for bed
Thoughts still bumble
Does I'm sorry mean a thing
Anymore
Music from the other room
Bid a welcome note
I'm going
Home
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Whispers
They stopped me.
On the Columbus street sidewalk just past the split with Main Street, I stood still.
I was on my way home from cutting some more checks for the Bishop. The second time that week.
I turned and looked to my right at the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers (DUP) building, thought a second, then walked up the stairs and in through the doors.
I waited a moment for my turn to sign the guest register, then I walked past the main floor displays to the History room.
I knocked on the office door and a volunteer appeared.
I asked if the histories have been digitized.
She replied that there is currently a project to have them digitized.
I pressed, do they need any help getting the work done? She said, Yes, but you'd have to talk to the President about that.
I explained that I have a long history of filming and digitizing historical documents as she took me back up front and introduced me to President Barton.
I introduced myself to President Barton and asked again if there is a need for help with the digitizing project.
She said, Yes! They said the project would only take six months, but they're only to the C's. They only come up a couple times a week from Provo.
She provided me with a couple phone numbers, I thanked her and left the building.
A few minutes later in my apartment, I dialed the numbers and left messages. To my surprise I received a response. He was excited to hear from me. They need operators in Salt Lake and there is plenty of work to do at the DUP.
We met the next day and my chapter scanning at the DUP will begin later this week.
It amazes and thrills me to know that I can still detect and act upon the subtle directions that are sent my way.
On the Columbus street sidewalk just past the split with Main Street, I stood still.
I was on my way home from cutting some more checks for the Bishop. The second time that week.
I turned and looked to my right at the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers (DUP) building, thought a second, then walked up the stairs and in through the doors.
I waited a moment for my turn to sign the guest register, then I walked past the main floor displays to the History room.
I knocked on the office door and a volunteer appeared.
I asked if the histories have been digitized.
She replied that there is currently a project to have them digitized.
I pressed, do they need any help getting the work done? She said, Yes, but you'd have to talk to the President about that.
I explained that I have a long history of filming and digitizing historical documents as she took me back up front and introduced me to President Barton.
I introduced myself to President Barton and asked again if there is a need for help with the digitizing project.
She said, Yes! They said the project would only take six months, but they're only to the C's. They only come up a couple times a week from Provo.
She provided me with a couple phone numbers, I thanked her and left the building.
A few minutes later in my apartment, I dialed the numbers and left messages. To my surprise I received a response. He was excited to hear from me. They need operators in Salt Lake and there is plenty of work to do at the DUP.
We met the next day and my chapter scanning at the DUP will begin later this week.
It amazes and thrills me to know that I can still detect and act upon the subtle directions that are sent my way.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Time Again
Too long without organizing my thoughts.
Too long without taking notes.
Too long without adding a record.
Too long without writing.
The past few weeks I seem to have noticed fluctuations in the time stream. Heh.
Average calls on one day take longer than average calls on another.
Oh yeah. I'm taking calls now. Professionally.
The thing is, my average talk time does fluctuate. Sure, there will be long calls. But they should average out.
I do feel that there are days, hours and minutes that do not pass by at the same rate. On the whole things are speeding up. But there are varitions from moment to moment.
There are still times when a minute will last as long as they did when I was taking piano lessons in Minneapolis. Forever.
And there are times when a year passes more quickly than an afternoon drive in the country on a sunny bright day with my family.
On the whole things are speeding up.
They have to.
One interpretation of the Mayan calendar system suggests that the calendars demonstrate the measurement of a series of speeding up of time periods. That more and more will get done in less time at an increasing rate until people begin to break because of the pressure and the final end.
One of the corporate slogans these days is: Do more with less.
I am so not corporate.
I can be corporate. I can even uphold policies that I do not agree with. I've done that for years.
I learned a long time ago that I am not a capitalist. That's okay.
I also learned that I can get along in this odd society without stooping to the same dog-eat-dog level.
I can converse and work honestly, maintaining what little integrity I am building and still provide a valuable contribution to my boss and the team.
News flash to me.
I had no integrity before.
It is true: Private actions must be equal to or better than public posture.
Oh sure. There were areas in my life that I did pretty good keeping my private and public actions and words equal.
However, there were areas in my life where I was out of balance. I had to change my private behavior to equal the words I gave lip service to.
Those out-of-balance areas threw my whole being out-of-whack. And caused damage to those around me. Especially her.
The entire being, all thought, intention, speech and action, public and private, need to balance to create integrity.
Better late than never. I do have a lot of catch-up to do.
Thank heavens for repentance.
Too long without taking notes.
Too long without adding a record.
Too long without writing.
The past few weeks I seem to have noticed fluctuations in the time stream. Heh.
Average calls on one day take longer than average calls on another.
Oh yeah. I'm taking calls now. Professionally.
The thing is, my average talk time does fluctuate. Sure, there will be long calls. But they should average out.
I do feel that there are days, hours and minutes that do not pass by at the same rate. On the whole things are speeding up. But there are varitions from moment to moment.
There are still times when a minute will last as long as they did when I was taking piano lessons in Minneapolis. Forever.
And there are times when a year passes more quickly than an afternoon drive in the country on a sunny bright day with my family.
On the whole things are speeding up.
They have to.
One interpretation of the Mayan calendar system suggests that the calendars demonstrate the measurement of a series of speeding up of time periods. That more and more will get done in less time at an increasing rate until people begin to break because of the pressure and the final end.
One of the corporate slogans these days is: Do more with less.
I am so not corporate.
I can be corporate. I can even uphold policies that I do not agree with. I've done that for years.
I learned a long time ago that I am not a capitalist. That's okay.
I also learned that I can get along in this odd society without stooping to the same dog-eat-dog level.
I can converse and work honestly, maintaining what little integrity I am building and still provide a valuable contribution to my boss and the team.
News flash to me.
I had no integrity before.
It is true: Private actions must be equal to or better than public posture.
Oh sure. There were areas in my life that I did pretty good keeping my private and public actions and words equal.
However, there were areas in my life where I was out of balance. I had to change my private behavior to equal the words I gave lip service to.
Those out-of-balance areas threw my whole being out-of-whack. And caused damage to those around me. Especially her.
The entire being, all thought, intention, speech and action, public and private, need to balance to create integrity.
Better late than never. I do have a lot of catch-up to do.
Thank heavens for repentance.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
My new wiki and Google
It's been almost two months since I set up my new website:
www.biographicalwiki.com
It's a place where anyone can publish a short biography about their deceased relatives for free. I even put a Google Ad on the pages of Biographical Wiki to see if we could make the site self sustaining. The jury's still out on that.
The odd thing that we've be looking for is when the biographies will show up in google search results. So far, the very first biography I posted does come up when your enter the name in quotes on a google search: "Martha Ann Truman". But the Biographical Wiki result has dropped to the last page recently.
As we've checked over the last week or so, other searches that used to bring up results on Google, no longer do. For example, "Clifford Leroy Howse" brought up google results a week ago, but no longer. The same with "Delbert Woolever".
On the other hand, "Charles Robert McCandless" has never had his biography show up on a google search results page.
Weird.
I think that Google does a six week cycle for crawling the web, but that is just hearsay.
We haven't been documenting our Google search results, so we can't really point to specifics at this time. But that is about to change. I like to have a little understanding about my world, even if it's only a vague impression of understanding. Getting Google search results for a few days and then no longer replicating those results only suggests that Google has changed something in the way they are building their indexes. I guess.
Someday I'll have a better, more informed idea how my new website is indexed by Google.
But for now I'm mystified.
www.biographicalwiki.com
It's a place where anyone can publish a short biography about their deceased relatives for free. I even put a Google Ad on the pages of Biographical Wiki to see if we could make the site self sustaining. The jury's still out on that.
The odd thing that we've be looking for is when the biographies will show up in google search results. So far, the very first biography I posted does come up when your enter the name in quotes on a google search: "Martha Ann Truman". But the Biographical Wiki result has dropped to the last page recently.
As we've checked over the last week or so, other searches that used to bring up results on Google, no longer do. For example, "Clifford Leroy Howse" brought up google results a week ago, but no longer. The same with "Delbert Woolever".
On the other hand, "Charles Robert McCandless" has never had his biography show up on a google search results page.
Weird.
I think that Google does a six week cycle for crawling the web, but that is just hearsay.
We haven't been documenting our Google search results, so we can't really point to specifics at this time. But that is about to change. I like to have a little understanding about my world, even if it's only a vague impression of understanding. Getting Google search results for a few days and then no longer replicating those results only suggests that Google has changed something in the way they are building their indexes. I guess.
Someday I'll have a better, more informed idea how my new website is indexed by Google.
But for now I'm mystified.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
10 Days Late
The full moon was setting as we pulled into the parking lot of the Alta View Hospital Women's Center, clearly visible above the Oquirrh Mountians to the west, Monday, March 5, 2007.
We had talked to our daughter on the cell phone as we drove down just after 7 am.
She was completely effaced and dilated to 4 cm. She received her epidural about a half-hour earlier, so she was very relaxed when we got to her labor room, 204. In fact, she nodded off as we visited, the continuing contractions mechanically noted, but not consciously felt.
The nurse stopped in at 8 am to check her vitals, but didn't check her delivery progress. We were getting all settled in for a several hour wait. The doctor had moved her appointments in anticipation of an afternoon delivery.
My daughter's mother-in-law, Jill, made it a point to remind the nurse that they had checked her delivery progress every hour through-out the night, so when the nurse came in at 9 am, she performed her check.
We had just moved in to the waiting room to let the daughter sleep.
Before I even sat down, I saw my wife walking towards us in a hurry.
"She's dilated to a 9 and they've called the doctor back," she breathlessly told us.
I called my parents, who were already on their way, and let them know things might go quicker than we thought.
The doctor, whose office is "only twenty minutes away" arrived at about 9:50 am. The nurses had the daughter push once before the doctor arrived, but the baby's head was "RIGHT THERE", so they told her to stop.
My wife remained in the room with our daughter and her husband, while Jill and I stayed in the hallway, listening at the door.
They tried using the vaccuum first, but it didn't work. After an episiotomy to a 2, the Doctor took things in her own hands, unwrapped the cord encircling Audrey's neck and at 10:06 am, Audrey started to cry.
I was pretty close to that state my own self.
Audrey had a little difficulty breathing to begin with, so the nurse rushed her into the nursery, giving us a quick flash of Audrey's face as she took her across the hall. The put an IV into her as a precaution.
By then, my parents had arrived along with some other in-laws.
Eventually, we all got to meet Audrey.
She complements our extended family marvelously.
I am excited to get to know her better in the days to come.
We had talked to our daughter on the cell phone as we drove down just after 7 am.
She was completely effaced and dilated to 4 cm. She received her epidural about a half-hour earlier, so she was very relaxed when we got to her labor room, 204. In fact, she nodded off as we visited, the continuing contractions mechanically noted, but not consciously felt.
The nurse stopped in at 8 am to check her vitals, but didn't check her delivery progress. We were getting all settled in for a several hour wait. The doctor had moved her appointments in anticipation of an afternoon delivery.
My daughter's mother-in-law, Jill, made it a point to remind the nurse that they had checked her delivery progress every hour through-out the night, so when the nurse came in at 9 am, she performed her check.
We had just moved in to the waiting room to let the daughter sleep.
Before I even sat down, I saw my wife walking towards us in a hurry.
"She's dilated to a 9 and they've called the doctor back," she breathlessly told us.
I called my parents, who were already on their way, and let them know things might go quicker than we thought.
The doctor, whose office is "only twenty minutes away" arrived at about 9:50 am. The nurses had the daughter push once before the doctor arrived, but the baby's head was "RIGHT THERE", so they told her to stop.
My wife remained in the room with our daughter and her husband, while Jill and I stayed in the hallway, listening at the door.
They tried using the vaccuum first, but it didn't work. After an episiotomy to a 2, the Doctor took things in her own hands, unwrapped the cord encircling Audrey's neck and at 10:06 am, Audrey started to cry.
I was pretty close to that state my own self.
Audrey had a little difficulty breathing to begin with, so the nurse rushed her into the nursery, giving us a quick flash of Audrey's face as she took her across the hall. The put an IV into her as a precaution.
By then, my parents had arrived along with some other in-laws.
Eventually, we all got to meet Audrey.
She complements our extended family marvelously.
I am excited to get to know her better in the days to come.
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