Sunday, March 09, 2008

11:30 pm

Thoughts all a jumble
I spoke without thinking again

I sit up late at night

She's in the other room
Trying to be asleep

It's too easy to forget
Her wounds aren't healed

Most times
She puts on a good face

Things are okay
'Til I yank the bandaid again

The triggers are never quite the same
Often media inspired

Good thing we don't watch too much

Should watch less
Too much else to do

The pendulum swings
February gloom brightens

Time for bed
Thoughts still bumble

Does I'm sorry mean a thing

Music from the other room
Bid a welcome note

I'm going

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


They stopped me.

On the Columbus street sidewalk just past the split with Main Street, I stood still.

I was on my way home from cutting some more checks for the Bishop. The second time that week.

I turned and looked to my right at the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers (DUP) building, thought a second, then walked up the stairs and in through the doors.

I waited a moment for my turn to sign the guest register, then I walked past the main floor displays to the History room.

I knocked on the office door and a volunteer appeared.

I asked if the histories have been digitized.

She replied that there is currently a project to have them digitized.

I pressed, do they need any help getting the work done? She said, Yes, but you'd have to talk to the President about that.

I explained that I have a long history of filming and digitizing historical documents as she took me back up front and introduced me to President Barton.

I introduced myself to President Barton and asked again if there is a need for help with the digitizing project.

She said, Yes! They said the project would only take six months, but they're only to the C's. They only come up a couple times a week from Provo.

She provided me with a couple phone numbers, I thanked her and left the building.

A few minutes later in my apartment, I dialed the numbers and left messages. To my surprise I received a response. He was excited to hear from me. They need operators in Salt Lake and there is plenty of work to do at the DUP.

We met the next day and my chapter scanning at the DUP will begin later this week.

It amazes and thrills me to know that I can still detect and act upon the subtle directions that are sent my way.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Time Again

Too long without organizing my thoughts.

Too long without taking notes.

Too long without adding a record.

Too long without writing.

The past few weeks I seem to have noticed fluctuations in the time stream. Heh.

Average calls on one day take longer than average calls on another.

Oh yeah. I'm taking calls now. Professionally.

The thing is, my average talk time does fluctuate. Sure, there will be long calls. But they should average out.

I do feel that there are days, hours and minutes that do not pass by at the same rate. On the whole things are speeding up. But there are varitions from moment to moment.

There are still times when a minute will last as long as they did when I was taking piano lessons in Minneapolis. Forever.

And there are times when a year passes more quickly than an afternoon drive in the country on a sunny bright day with my family.

On the whole things are speeding up.

They have to.

One interpretation of the Mayan calendar system suggests that the calendars demonstrate the measurement of a series of speeding up of time periods. That more and more will get done in less time at an increasing rate until people begin to break because of the pressure and the final end.

One of the corporate slogans these days is: Do more with less.

I am so not corporate.

I can be corporate. I can even uphold policies that I do not agree with. I've done that for years.

I learned a long time ago that I am not a capitalist. That's okay.

I also learned that I can get along in this odd society without stooping to the same dog-eat-dog level.

I can converse and work honestly, maintaining what little integrity I am building and still provide a valuable contribution to my boss and the team.

News flash to me.

I had no integrity before.

It is true: Private actions must be equal to or better than public posture.

Oh sure. There were areas in my life that I did pretty good keeping my private and public actions and words equal.

However, there were areas in my life where I was out of balance. I had to change my private behavior to equal the words I gave lip service to.

Those out-of-balance areas threw my whole being out-of-whack. And caused damage to those around me. Especially her.

The entire being, all thought, intention, speech and action, public and private, need to balance to create integrity.

Better late than never. I do have a lot of catch-up to do.

Thank heavens for repentance.